Saying no is one of the hardest things a human tries to do. We are built to say yes, the desire to help someone is strong in all of us. Saying yes can cause major anxiety, and we think about it over and over again. It seems almost impossible to stop thinking about it. Equally, saying no causes a rush of guilt to wash over you and then you start to feel bad and this also increases your anxiety. And again you start to think constantly about what could be happening because you dared to say no, the guilt builds fueling your anxiety. We Really need to Say No And Let Go!
We are trapped no matter which way we go, and your anxiousness will increase. The only real solution is to avoid people period. Okay so that’s a little extreme but for people who suffer with anxiety and depression it’s a plausible remedy. I have been there, a hermit not wanting to engage, just in case.
It’s not a good place to be, we really need to say no and let go. Below we explore some techniques you can use to help.
Maybe not the best method, but making this choice can really help if you feel pressured by the asker. If someone asks you something just say ‘okay I will have a think about it and I will let you know tomorrow’. This gives you up to twenty-four hours to ponder the question. Also, it gives you the option to say yes or no via text or email, and of course if you are feeling brave you can do it via telephone.
These methods relieve the pressure. It may of course still cause anxiety because you still have that decision to make.
If you start your reply with an apology the asker will already know you are about to say no. This can be useful because it triggers the ‘it’s okay’ response from them so you really end up apologizing to each other. Which in itself may make you feel better too.
You should not need to explain why you are saying no, at the end of the day it’s not really the other persons business. But using this method can make you feel better, your excuse is making it seem okay to say no. A good way is to say you are busy or you have an appointment.
It is not such a good idea to lie though, because it is inevitable that you will trip yourself up at some point and drop yourself in the proverbial doo doo.
Just Say Yes
If you are going to get stressed over your response just say yes anyway and then deal with it.
You may actually enjoy whatever it is they have asked you. And it saves you from all of the above. But sometimes this can backfire, I myself have said yes to something, managed to get myself worked up about it, and then said no.
This put me into a downward spiral as I had a double whammy of anxiousness.
Say No And Let Go
The ultimate goal is to just go ahead and say no. With no guilt or anxiousness. Okay I know it’s easier said than done, but just think how liberating it will be to just come out with it. But you may need some tools to help you, here are my best bits to help you say no and stay sane:
- The asker will have other people to ask.
- You have enough to think about, so don’t add anything else.
- Say no and meditate, this will really help to let go of your guilty thoughts. (Check out this book for guidance)
- Tell people how you feel about saying no, you would be surprised that they understand.
- Almost everyone has the same feelings about saying no, you are really not alone.
- The person asking, may feel worse for asking in the first place.
Thank you for reading my post, how do you say no and let go? Please feel free to comment or ask any questions below and I will get back to you.